Last night I took a bath with rose petals, crystals and Epsom salt. I poured the rosewater over my head and let it drip over me. Trickling down my back. It felt like I was anointing myself with love. The water caressed my skin, caring with it a vibration infused with worthiness.
I have reached a turning point. A marker in the road, so to speak.
When I look back, I see all the ways in which I refused to claim my worthiness. Refused to accept the grace of the world. Refused to honor my own voice, or my own body, or my own truth.
But now I can choose differently. Now I decide which direction to take.
And I ask myself — in every situation — how can I love myself more? How can I infuse this with more love? How can I align everything before me to Truth?
I see what others want from me. I feel their expectations. Their unspoken needs. Their desires. These used to control me. I would meet them, serving them, forsaking myself in the process. I submitted myself, my needs, my desires, my truth to the others’. I put them before me and bowed down.
“Yes, master, what would you like?”
But I have hit a fork in the road.
Why shall I bow down to another and refuse to bow down to myself? Why shall I meet their needs and ignore my own? Why shall I deny my truth and honor theirs? Why shall I keep denying that I, too, am a master. The master of myself. A God-creator in form?
I can still bow down in respect, one master choosing to honor another. One divinity seeing the divinity of another. Because I can only truly recognize the God within another when I recognize the God within myself. The God-Source that emanates through us all.
When the light is recognized within everything, there can be nothing but truth.
But for this I must speak my truth. Because when I deny my truth and refuse to voice it, I am acting in fear. When I act in fear, I am denying the source and power within me. When I act in this denial, I forsake God.
Sometimes I’m still afraid of the feelings of shame that may arise with my truth, the vulnerability that cracks me open, the eyes of another in judgment. But I can no longer cower down in face of this.
For I have hit a fork in the road.
I stand tall and refuse to accept any shame, any judgment, any disrespect.
Because I know my truth. I know my worthiness. And this can never be taken from me, no matter how hard another may try. Because I am my own master. No one else has any authority over me. Unless I give it to them. But those days are over.
I have hit a fork in the road.
I choose my life, according to my soul’s desires. Regardless of how that may be perceived in a society that denies the soul. Because I know the truth of who I am. And I choose for me.
So I annoint myself in this new knowing. In this new awareness that I have absolutely nothing to hide.
I let my joy exude from me.
I let my light shine brightly.
I let my truth be heard.
And I dance. And I sing my song.
Can you sing yours? Will you join me in this chorus?
May our voices unite to nourish the world back to wholeness.
C 2017 Jessica Fasquel.